Don't get me wrong; I love to suffer, maybe more than most--I paid for those Sufferfest videos that everyone pretends to like on FCBK, and even went so far as to watch one (it was only an hour long. I'm not really sure that's enough suffering for me)--but I find the rollers inflict pain of an entirely different order. If you're an avid cyclist, or just hoping to see an awkward faceplant into the nearest coffeetable, then you might have seen that one legged roller-riding dude online.
It's important to note that he is absolutely unlike me. As a relative newby to the rollers, I lack the experience, the fine motor skills, the confidence, and the righteous rock'n'roll mullet of this fellow. I had a good run of beginner's luck learning to ride them, but no way I'm going no-hands, much less one-legged no-hands. Nevertheless, we all know the rollers are good for balance and handling, and really helpful in retraining your legs to pedal circles again after a few weeks with, say 50% of my riding time indoors (yeah, our winters are that harsh).
So, having scheduled my wintersession course and procrastinated on prep until the only riding time is after dark on a rainy Wednesday, I set out for the busiest 30 minutes of my week, which goes something like this:
Clip in, desperately clutching the doorframe with right hand, hold brake with left. Crank a few times. Exhale, settle onto saddle; relax. Crank. Watts need to come up, cadence only at 80. That's not riding. Ed Show on TV--can't really watch, not if I want to remain rubber side down. Cadence coming up; time to upshift. Better. Cadence coming up into the range. Getting a little warm. Crap--didn't turn the fan on. Dismount, fan on, remount. Drink. Restart: everything comes to a grinding halt. What?!? Takes me a minute before I realize the t-shirt that was sitting on my handlebars got sucked into the front fork. Dumb. Restart. Get that heart rate up. Let's go. Settle in again. Good. Can't keep looking at the wattage, but I can listen to the tone. I imagine it's high C. C-sharp is 15 more watts. Try to keep the tone steady, pedal circles, keep the pressure steady. Slide hands out to end of the hoods, slide forward and settle lower over the top tube. I can feel the back end weave gently. Whoa! A little twitch to the right and I lean back to the left, trying not to overcorrect. I did that once and ended up chipping the paint off a chainstay. Toes up, flex ankle, toes down and around. Circles. Look ahead, not down--watch roller frame in lower peripheral vision; look a little farther ahead. There's a Utah lady schoolteacher on TV wearing a jumper and talking about packing heat in the classroom. Teachers actually wear jumpers? Of course all teachers wear jumpers. She doesn't think her middleschoolers' parents ever need to know there's a Glock under that jumper. Focus. Circles, circles. Relax arms. Legs underworked yet strangely sore. Ankles. Exhale. I've been pedaling for...how long?!? 8 minutes?!?
I did get a half hour on the rollers before I latched back into the fluid trainer to finish my ride. I guess there is one thing about the rollers--they definitely make you feel more alive. If you survive.
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